Rylies Retreat's

Show up, fight, be eager, I do. But my heart aches. His words are cold, sharp like glass. The ring hums beneath my feet.  His silenced anger is louder than any word, Never fast enough, Never hard enough, Never the version of a "man" he's hoping to see.  Show up. I do. Be eager. I do. But I ache. His words cold,  brutal, shattering. Nothing pleases him.  My body trembling as my feet fall into the ring, fearful and uneasy.  His silence crashes upon me, stronger than anything he could have said. I'm here, but I am not a man. Therefore, I will never be enough for him.  As I broke down this poem I embraced the "mess" Royal talks about in her essay, "Art of the Mistake". My original version was more structured, and could have a couple different ways of being interpreted. But when I broke up the words and let the poem fall apart, it became more real. It's the understanding of the poem where we find the raw vulnerable parts of its meaning.  Specificall...

Now that I have reached the middle of my senior year I have come to understand that everyone has their own way of seeking fulfillment. Reading the book S iddhartha  has deepened my understanding of peoples search for meaning and self- discovery. Siddhartha goes through life questioning everything, but later realizes that fulfillment cannot be found through another’s teachings. This is a lesson at our age many of us fail to realize.  In school I work hard, in church I listen carefully, and in sports I put forth full effort. I am doing everything "right" but many times I feel like something is missing. It's like I'm running a race but never reaching the finish line.  Does fulfillment need to be actively pursued or is it purely based on patience throughout life’s journey? I have learned that there is a place for effort, but also a place for stillness. This semester I want to remember that while striving for my goals is important, I also need to make time for moments of ...